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May 24, 2013

I survived!!

In preparation for The Phoenix Summit Challenge we stepped up the training a bit. We did 2 mountains this time, Lookout Mountain and North Mountain.

I would like to be able to tell you the trails we took but since they are not marked very clearly, I have no idea. What I do know is that Lookout Mountain was much more pleasant compared to Squaw Peak from the first hike. Having remembered at least some of the items from The Idiots Guide we were off to a much better start.

Dress appropriately, for the most part (keep reading), and not weighted down with a 10 lb camera that I can’t use, we did 1.7 miles in just under an hour. I will try and take more pictures in the future but I use my phone to track our stats while we are hiking and it kills my battery.

I chose not to carry a bag this time, I will have to add that back in to the necessary items list, so I only brought one small water bottle with me on each hike. They were smaller mountains and I thought it would be fine. It was not. Again, I wasn’t dying but it would have been nice to have more water. There was only one or two other people on the first trail with us so it was pretty nice. My girlfriend was a little convinced that the gentleman on the trail with us was a weird molester but we apparently were not his type, so we completed this mountain with little excitement.


I have no clue which mountain this is. They all look the same

Next we headed over to North Mountain. They must have recently improved this mountain because it was beautifully marked. This didn’t keep me from taking the wrong trails mind you, but beautifully marked nonetheless. We started out at the visitor center, which promised snacks and coffee when we were done, and headed off on trail 100 toward junction of trail 101. We were then supposed to take 101 to the paved road. It seemed simple enough and we thought we had done great but according to the previous years summit info, this hike should be 2.3 miles and according to my phone we did 3.69 miles. It took us 1 hour and 19 minutes but I have to say we were not dying afterwards. I certainly could not have done another mountain! But I wasn’t dying. So progress.

The 100 and 101 trails were very easy and quick to get through. Nice dirt paths with not to much of an incline made for quick walking. One fellow hiker noted that I “was walking like I was late to work.” I thought that was the point. I didn’t know this was supposed to be a leisurely thing. I will be honest, this is not my idea of leisure. Besides, according to past information, we are going to need to finished 23.5 miles in 11 hours if we want to do this thing. That to me equals some seriously faced paced hiking. Especially when you factor in the drive time between the 7 mountains and the parking issues that are bound to arise when 800 people have to follow the same hiking schedule.

We make it to the paved portion which is considerably steeper. I found, for me, it is easier if I power walk up. That unfortunately is not the case for my friend. She believes in slow and steady. We are going to need to work that out.

Once again we are being lapped by small children and insane parents that are CARRYING their children, and sometimes dog, on their backs African style. I don’t know who these people are and why they are so dedicated to their health but I do not like them.

At this point in the game I break out the I am statements. I had just finished watching a rather intriguing Oprah show with Pastor Joel Osteen, where he talked about the power of the I am statement. Whatever follows that I am, will find its truth in your life. If you say; I am tired, I am a mess, I am dumb, you will be. So he says, simply change your I am statement. I did. Sadly BF had not watched the same show so while she is struggling to keep up with my “late for work” pace and begging for a break, I am yelling “I am looking forward to reaching the top of this mountain”

“Good, I am happy for you,” she says in a tone that leads me to believe that she is not “my legs are burning”

“I am feeling energized by the progress we have made and look forward to the feeling of success we will have at the top” I say with enough positivity to make her reconsider inviting me on the next hike while I continue to power walk up the trail.

At this point I too am feeling the pain of the hike but I refuse to let that get to me

“Use your fucking I am statements!” I lovingly encourage her.

Cut to two weird chicks slowly crawling up a paved path breathlessly saying “I am strong. I am healthy. I am strong!!”

I have to say it really did help. Especially when we were passed by a running 6 and 4 year old. The power of a good I am statement can really help to pull you through. Might I suggest mine “I am bigger than you and I AM going to trip you!”

God, that really just cleanses the soul!

We finished. We finished strong, I think.


Now all that is left is to go back down. And you all know I like going down!

This time down was a bit more challenging. The path was a bit steep so it hurt to try and walk down. You have to sort of jog down. Luckily I remembered the sports bra which does a great job of holding shit down so the only thing hitting me was my own saggy butt. It got a bit warm though and I decided to lose the t-shirt I was wearing and risk anyone seeing my disgusting flap slipping out from under the long tank style sports bra. Which brings me to the next thing I learned, I need to wear an actual bra underneath my sports bra. Lets just say my girlfriends eyes are recovering nicely and I am sure my fellow hikers were able to appreciate my…alertness later that evening.

My hands and feet swelled up considerably and where a bit uncomfortable but nothing that a good cold shower couldn’t fix.


From → Self Abuse

  1. I do not like those African style people either!!! 😉

    • What are they trying to prove anyways? We saw their 6-packs, they were not wearing shirts. We saw their ridiculous calf’s, they were perfectly tanned and glistening, probably with Vaseline. What is it those needy freaks want? Attention whores.

  2. Another hilarious blog. Keep hiking it gets easier.

    • You know what else I hear gets easier each time you do it? Murder. But let me continue to desensitize myself in the name of growth or health or some bullshit.

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