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Should pregnant chicks get some on Mother’s Day

May 9, 2013

Apparently it is up for debate – I am sure the only douche debating this is a guy – whether pregnant women should get a little something something on Mother’s Day?

The super douchey douche on the radio this morning said, and I quote,”They haven’t done anything motherly and there is no physical proof that she is a mother.” So no, his pregnant wife/girlfriend/loved one will not be getting anything for mother’s day.

Let’s take this little gem, one idiotic statement at a time, shall we.

She has not done anything motherly

Really? So she is kicked back enjoying a pack of smokes and nice cold beer like baby daddy is? No? Maybe she is just hanging out watching tv while eating a nice ham and cheese sandwich like a regular person. No she is not, because some baby book told her that lunchmeat can contain Listeria which will kill her baby, so she is to0 scared to eat a fucking ham sandwich! The list of shit she now can not do or is scared to do is ridiculous. No coffee, baby might get wired. No nice hot bath, might hard boil the baby. No hot dogs, fish, cheese can be tricky, tap water, fumes (makes trying to paint the baby room super fun), oh and while you are trying to NOT kill your baby, try not to stress, it is upsetting to the baby!!

Yeah, she is not doing anything motherly…

There is no physical proof of motherhood

Are you fucking kidding me with this one? Let’s set aside the fact that she has gained 30 lbs – if she’s lucky! Let’s ignore her GIGANTIC stomach that bumps into shit, makes it impossible to lay down comfortably or even see your own fucking toes. Let’s ignore THAT physical evidence for the moment.

How about all the other shit? How about the fun little shit that happens when your body is busy making a fucking human being? Like the fact that you now have disgusting shit coming out all orifices of your body? You haven’t had your period in 9 months yet you have to wear a pad or a diaper to catch all the loveliness that your body is now producing.

You get to figure out how you can apply some Preparation H to your own ass when you can hardly reach that shit anymore because apparently baby making causes hemroids. You get to leave the house with 2 different shoes on many many times because you can’t see your own feet and, because the baby is somehow sucking up all your energy you can’t even remember 5 minutes ago, so you definitely can’t remember to set out shoes ahead of time or that you actually DID do this 3 days ago!

When I was pregnant with my 2nd son I left an entire cart with $250.00 worth of groceries in it in the grocery store parking lot! I didn’t even realize I had done it for 2 hours!!! After crying for another half hour about it (cause those pregnancy hormones are a bitch) I congratulated myself on at least remembering to bring home the first kid then had to call the store crying about what I had done. No, that shit is totally normal.

No physical proof?!?!

Blood flow increases to the southern regions so much I looked like I was smuggling an enlarged lobster claw in my pants. Plus, because of that increased blood flow, I was hornier than shit and who the hell wants to put out to a huge, lobster smuggling, cankle sporting, sack of emotional breakdown waiting to happen? No one that’s who!

BUY THE PREGNANT CHICK SOMETHING!

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From → 2 Cents

2 Comments
  1. I sense that the idiot on the radio got to you… lol

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